Wonkette

Diabetes is a terrible, terrible disease, but you can cure it for everyone this very Saturday by dodging balls at the 5th Annual Dodging Diabetes Charity Dodgeball Tournament. This isn’t a cheap sporting event — cost is $500 dollars for a team of six to ten players — BUT IT’S FOR CHARITY, PEOPLE. MORE »

Today, Wednesday, March 17: It’s here! St. Patrick’s Day, the holiest of holy drinking holidays is here! Chances are you’re already drunk thanks to a breakfast of kegs and eggs, but, if you’re not, here’s our list of places where you can enjoy green beer until you puke, for Ireland. MORE »

America’s celebration of the Irish traditions of wearing green and pinching and binge drinking and lots of green vomit is almost here! Hooray! St. Patrick was a man who wanted everyone to become Christian (no, he was not the patron saint of kegs and eggs), and you can honor his successful proselyting efforts on this most holy of days by guzzling stouts and eating bangers and mash at one of these lovely institutions. MORE »

Tuesday, March 16: Our President and savior Barack Obama may actually be an incarnation of the long dead and often celebrated Jesus of Christian mythology, but the Brookings Institution is nonetheless convinced that religion was left out of the 2008 election. They ask if God will make a comeback in the 2010 elections and, if so, how many Democrats he will strike down before they remember that religion and 9/11 are for conservative use only. [Brookings Institution] MORE »

Tonight, Friday, March 12 through Monday, April 19: Improv is great. Fighting is great. And when you combine the two in a Fighting Improv Smack Down where 44 teams duke it out for improv glory, the product, well, is a great, hilarious evening of (violence-free) comedy. [Source Theater] MORE »

Why, oh why, would you go to a bar just to drink and talk when there are so many other ways to have fun at drinking establishments? People in DC are moderately interesting, but once you get passed the formalities (Where do you work? How many men do you bunk with? Do you let people shower with you?), conversation tends to get stale. But anything reminiscent of a Chuck E. Cheese activity is super fun and will keep you entertained well past any bedroom revelations. MORE »

Wednesday March, 10: Now that men groping men is a Democrat-sanctioned activity, there’s really no reason not to go to the Arlington Young Democrats’ 9th Annual Date Auction. A $5 entrance fee is good for a bid card, a raffle ticket, and hours and hours of sexy tickle time with wonderful NoVa kids. The fun starts at 7PM. [Clarendon Grill] MORE »

Because this world is filled with one too many closeted Republicans who hate the gays, despite wanting them ALL THE TIME, and because today is Gay Wedding Day here in DC, it’s only appropriate that we celebrate gayness in all its forms. So we focus on Logan Circle, a gayborhood that’s still gay despite mass infiltration by straight folk who flock there because produce is just better wherever the gays are (a fact of gentrification). Logan Circle, with its Whole Foods and fancy yoga shops, is home to super trendy restaurant Masa 14, a Latin-Asian fusion small plates restaurant, where the food is great, the gays and straights mingle, and everyone wins because it has a 65-foot-long bar. MORE »

Friday, March 5 through Sunday, March 14: “The Face” is a play about angry, vulgar people who do and say very bad things to each other, for fun. It will make you wonder where all the happiness has gone, but it will also make you laugh, hysterically, like no one is watching. Tickets are $30. [Studio Theater] MORE »

Very important teevee alert: The Oscars are on this weekend. Hooray! It’s Hollywood’s yearly opportunity to decide which theme — the gays, poor black illiterate children, torture, Jews kicking ass, or homeless kids saved by nice white ladies - needs their undivided attention and will provide an acceptance speech that will make conservatives squirm/feel unappreciated/take off their shirts and thump their chests. Please don’t watch it alone. MORE »

Today, Wednesday, March 3 through Sunday, March 14: You may have almost died on numerous occasions in your youth from drinking too much tequila, but you’re all grown up now — in theory, anyway — so you should be able to enjoy it in a more refined way. This is why you should go to the Tequila & Mezcal Festival at Oyamel, and indulge in FREE tequila tastings, specialty drinks made with high quality tequila and mezcal, and foods made with the alcohols. MORE »

There once was a man who worked for a hedge fund, only to discover that even though he was wealthy and happy, he wasn’t satisfied with the mark he was leaving on the world. After much soul searching, he figured, what better way to improve your legacy than by creating a food cart that roams the streets of DC, features food from around the world, and uses the Twitter to notify the masses of its location? And so Sauca was born. MORE »

Tuesday, March 2: Who loves war? Why the Heritage Foundation, that’s who! And according to them, declaring war can be simple and fun: If a country thinks evil things about the US, why, they’ve declared war, and we must immediately fight them to the death (and maybe somewhere in there figure out how to win, because that’s probably a good idea too). [Heritage Foundation] MORE »